I’m still on a long, personal journey to uncover the voice that feels my own. All these years of wandering weren’t wasted; they were preparation. This journey must pass through intense work and exploration; it can’t happen only in the mind, for memory is fragile. I have to create, discard, and create again; until what remains feels true.
Tag: inquiry
why write
The act of writing reveals its deeper function: a disciplined way of metabolizing suffering. Stripped of cultural polish, it is a structured, and often solitary method of turning inner chaos into external order. In essence, writing becomes a healthy sublimation of darkness, transforming primitive drives into higher, even noble, expression.
The writer doesn’t escape suffering; they transmute it
The same force that might consume; as self-harm, addiction, or rage is redirected into language, image, and form. The pain doesn’t vanish, it’s recontextualized into meaning.
For me, writing is a healthy response to the absurdity and darkness of life, especially when it transforms. Addiction binds; destruction externalizes; rumination spirals. Writing integrates. It gives chaos a name, a clear boundary.
In that sense, the true writer isn’t escaping pain; they’re performing the psychological plumbing of living consciously. And for me, that remains the most persuasive argument for making art, not for others, but for oneself.
Let discomfort reveal, not contaminate
Engage challenging art and ideas with discernment, not fear. What unsettles you might also teach you something essential.
#1 Letter to younger self
drowning in theory
Never working on art, finished paintings are not to be seen. Is it fear lurking beneath?
Research spirals into endless ruminations, masquerading as progress. Waiting for the “perfect” conceptual depth; perfectionism masks fear of public judgment.
Hiding behind “multiple paths” to dodge the terror of committing to one signature body of work. Years go by and the mid-life crisis threatens.
On freedom and the burden of choice
I value autonomy: the freedom to choose one’s own path, free from coercion or influence. This freedom is integral and forms the core of my values. This comes with a cost; the choices are mine and so is the blame. Some decisions are irreversible.
To choose one’s own path is to carry both the upside and the failures without excuse. It is easier to follow someone else’s path, to direct the blame when things fall apart. But true autonomy offers no such excuse. It asks for vulnerability and courage: to face regrets, failures, and still to say: this life is mine.
obscurity
At the personal level, many painters carry traits that steer them away from publicity. Introversion, perfectionism, or fear of ridicule can make exhibitions feel threatening and interviews unbearable.
This fear of public scrutiny could burrow deep and ruin with self-sabotage. The realisation that intense exposure could distance them from the very thing that keeps it authentic. An ideal scenario would be that an artist works in obscurity but is completely outside the sphere of influence or scrutiny. A feat rarely achieved by artist.
These hesitations are amplified by cultural narratives that equate obscurity with authenticity. Since the nineteenth‑century slogan “art for art’s sake,” bohemian subcultures have elevated the unrecognised artist to heroic status, casting commercial success as moral compromise. Van Gogh’s posthumous image established the modern template: the misunderstood genius who dies poor yet triumphant in integrity.
Artistic reputation is never built alone; it relies on dense networks of curators, critics, peers, and collectors. Painters who juggle care work, battle social marginalisation, or simply lack time for networking miss the informal circuits where opportunities circulate.
Wisdom
The most profound and wise thing to say is “I don’t know”. It requires true humility to realise the fact there are many things beyond our understanding.
Why I write
To heal a fragmented mind ravaged by the digital age
to embrace the potency of written word,
to start at the root of communication,
to know the mind of the person writing this,
to give shape to those scattered pieces of the subconscious,
a face and a name to those inner demons,
and a stash for those fragile memories
above all to think, feel deeply and live consciously;
a visually inclined man making an acquaintance with the word
What does writing do to the self?
a journey to the essence of thought
for a word as a means of inflicting emotion
in hope that writing will transform oneself from the inside
[[writing]] [[art]]
Two
Two roads
Two pills
Two eyes
Two halves of a brain
Two sides of a coin
Two poles of the earth
Day & Night
Man & Woman
Mind & Heart
Faith & Reason
Duality, Dichotomy, Paradox
The tension and the fusion between two seemingly opposite entities. What makes two a figure of extremes and a whole; all at once?